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Archive for July, 2010

I am back

July 14th, 2010 at 10:55 am

It has been a very difficult time and I have not been posting.

We lost one of our babies last week. He was getting worse and worse for over a month, but we had trouble accepting it and kept holding on to hope, as the little one was holding on to life. Loosing him at 23 weeks has been extremely difficult, he was already our baby.

Our second son is surviving (He is the one that had the hygroma, which turned out to be the least grave of all the issues that followed. We really hope that he will be ok, and there is no underlying issue.) I am trying to be positive for him, to get back to normal, to not cry too much, to look for positive little things in every day and get back into our routine.

So I try to think about our future based on the assumption that the baby will be OK, that everything from now on will be ok... though it is challenging sometimes. Nothing has been normal about this pregnancy and it is not unreasonable to fear. There are still medical concerns.

How do I get back to thinking and behaving like a normal pregnant woman should and not transmitting stress and anxiety to my little baby?

I want to do it. I succeed for big parts of the day. But I do know that remaining hopeful does not work - it did not work for our first son. Reality beats hope most of the time.