I'm trying to choose a gift from a wedding registry and my judgemental B is acting up today.
I can't help it, there must me something wrong with me. I keep thinking things like:
Do you really need a deep fryer if you are more than 100lb overweight?
Or a coctail/barware to the tune of $500 if your future husband had 3 DUIs and is waiting to finally get your drivers lisence back after several years?
And the rest of it looks like it has been put together without much thought. Incredible amount of stuff, most of it from the useless knick knacks category and china(about $3,400 worth) that will be used incredibly rarely. And this is not a high-income household.
I am having trouble finding something that would be used frequently and is reasonable. (set of cooking pans is usefull, but $400 is more than I am prepared to spend on this).
This is a wedding registry of an aquaitance (not really a friend) to whose wedding I will not go.
She wanted me to be the maid of honor, I was stalling and finally backed out -- it would involve travel, use of days off, arrangements to leave the baby and huge expences).
And she was not a close friend.
We mosly just spoke on the phone once every few months and saw each other the total of like 6 times in our lifetime. I still would have gone, but when she began acting as a bridezilla, I finally got the courage to back out.
Nonetheless, I feel guilty and wanted to get her something nice and really have trouble choosing.
Also, what do you think would be an appropriate amount to spend in this situation?
My inner btch is very judgemental today.
September 1st, 2011 at 07:31 pm
September 1st, 2011 at 08:04 pm 1314907451
September 1st, 2011 at 08:23 pm 1314908585
Otherwise $50 to $100 check or gift card.
September 1st, 2011 at 08:53 pm 1314910431
There is an advantage to being 49, I generally get invited as a friend of the parent. The "kids" getting married sometimes chalk the gift up to being well meaning and clueless, instead of being rude.
BTW, don't feel guilty about giving a wedding gift. Its not as if either party is starting up a household from scratch. And if you are not attending, don't feel like you have subsidize their wedding either.
September 1st, 2011 at 08:58 pm 1314910694
September 1st, 2011 at 11:12 pm 1314918774
I think $50 is plenty to spend for an acquaintance.
When I got married, someone had my wedding invitation professionally framed. It was one of my favorite wedding gifts.
September 2nd, 2011 at 02:47 am 1314931624
September 2nd, 2011 at 03:06 am 1314932768
September 3rd, 2011 at 02:47 pm 1315061265
Look, it's HER wedding. It has nothing to do with your opinions or "approval" of her registry choices. Yes, you ARE being judgmental!
September 4th, 2011 at 03:41 pm 1315150874
September 7th, 2011 at 02:19 am 1315361945
In saying that, we usually spend around $30-$50 on aquaintance gifts, $100 for friends.
September 8th, 2011 at 06:37 pm 1315507029
When she finally found a guy(on match.com, I think) I was very happy for her and was hoping that now that she has someone she can focus more on real life relationships. The guy has friends, maybe she would get some, since now she is more comfortable going out and such. At least she had one real relationship now. That was already much better.
I had a baby, and was busy and tired a lot. She started bugging me about the dress since the baby was an infant and the wedding was like 9 months away.
I had a tonn of baby weight, and I'm still breastfeeding so my body was nothing like its normal self and I wanted to wait until the last moment to get the dress.
I was going to go because I felt obligated. I did not want to, it was a hardship to leave baby and take away precious vacation time for me and DH, but I still would have gone to the middle of nowhere like 5 or 6 hour drive, stay for 2 nights, etc... But she was bugging me about buying the dress EVERY WEEK and I would repeat the same thing -- I felt there was no reason to have alterations done twice (it was an ugly dress, btw, but that's beside the point). Finally, when the wedding was like 5 months away, she wrote something about her color theme, "there is no excuse" and that if I don't get that dress in time, I "should not bother showing up."
That really rubbed me the wrong way, I felt I was already sacrifising too much to be at that wedding, and if she did not understand that, I was not longer willing to make that sacrifice.
It would have been $250 for dress, at least $300 hotel, $300 gifts, gas money to drive from NYC to middle of nowhere Washignton, 2 minimum days leave for me, for DH, and for my mother to watch the baby while we are away. Other insidental expences/meals don't even count. ALL that, for someone with whom I had a very limited and remote kind of relationship, not a real frienship.
I was just trying to be encouraging to someone, because I thought it was a nice thing to do, and I end up as a matron of honor?! Never did I see that coming.
But I was doing it because I was feeling guilty, and I knew she considered me her closes friend. But when she was acting like a total bridezilla and wrote "don't bother showing up without the dress" I thought why am I doing all this? This is too much sacrifice and she does not even get it.
So I wrote back to her, and we have not spoken since. She "unfriended" me. So that is the story here.
September 8th, 2011 at 09:42 pm 1315518151
September 9th, 2011 at 01:46 am 1315532779
September 9th, 2011 at 08:02 pm 1315598525
bridzilla prolly has a lot of other stress going on, and you are not in anyway obligated to deal with it/her.
On gifts, I dunno what circles you run in, but none of my friends can afford the 100 type thing, more of a 20-30 (50 if you REALLY like em).
September 15th, 2011 at 04:38 pm 1316104726
I'm struggling myself right now because my dad's girlfriend's grand-daugther is pregnant with her first child. She's only 17 and still in high school. My brother and I got invited to the baby shower (this is the first time we have EVER been invited to any family function). I feel it's only because they wanted us to give a gift. She has no job, no plans to get a job, living at home, etc. I understand that she will struggle since she's a teenage mom but I'm not going all out. Her mom knows I coupon and was asking me about getting diapers and baby shampoo, etc. but honestly, I'd rather give that to my best friend with a 2 year old than to someone I barely know. I want to get her something decent but I don't want to spend more than $20 bucks.
She also had the nerve to register for a touch screen video baby monitor, a $500 stroller and a $600 crib. My dad went and bought her the crib but I keep thinking to myself that it's just greedy. I would hope that if I were in her situation 10 years ago, I would have been more reasonable and asked for the bare necessities at reasonable prices.
I bought her outlet protectors and some books. I went through my stockpile and got some Aveeno baby wash/lotion and I think I'm done.
September 15th, 2011 at 04:41 pm 1316104892
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3504776&fromRegistryNumber=47229019&product_skn=472870
September 23rd, 2011 at 03:26 am 1316748386
September 23rd, 2011 at 02:13 pm 1316787207
September 23rd, 2011 at 07:44 pm 1316807079