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I am back

July 14th, 2010 at 06:55 pm

It has been a very difficult time and I have not been posting.

We lost one of our babies last week. He was getting worse and worse for over a month, but we had trouble accepting it and kept holding on to hope, as the little one was holding on to life. Loosing him at 23 weeks has been extremely difficult, he was already our baby.

Our second son is surviving (He is the one that had the hygroma, which turned out to be the least grave of all the issues that followed. We really hope that he will be ok, and there is no underlying issue.) I am trying to be positive for him, to get back to normal, to not cry too much, to look for positive little things in every day and get back into our routine.

So I try to think about our future based on the assumption that the baby will be OK, that everything from now on will be ok... though it is challenging sometimes. Nothing has been normal about this pregnancy and it is not unreasonable to fear. There are still medical concerns.

How do I get back to thinking and behaving like a normal pregnant woman should and not transmitting stress and anxiety to my little baby?

I want to do it. I succeed for big parts of the day. But I do know that remaining hopeful does not work - it did not work for our first son. Reality beats hope most of the time.

Posted in Uncategorized | 20 Comments »

20 Responses to “I am back”

  1. My English Castle Says:
    July 14th, 2010 at 07:13 pm 1279131210
    1279131210

    Oh my word, what a hard time you've had. You're in our thoughts and prayers. Maybe meditation or some calming music can help your mind release some stress. My friend has done some special pregnancy yoga and swears it helps her with the hormonal fluctuations.
    Our very best to you and your family--

  2. Broken Arrow Says:
    July 14th, 2010 at 07:19 pm 1279131593
    1279131593

    I'm sorry to hear that. Please take care.

  3. campfrugal Says:
    July 14th, 2010 at 07:29 pm 1279132192
    1279132192

    You and your babies are in my prayers. Stay strong.

  4. creditcardfree Says:
    July 14th, 2010 at 07:49 pm 1279133396
    1279133396

    ((Hugs)) Thanks for checking in. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. I also second spending some time in meditation (look for guided meditations) or with calm relaxing music. This seems to help me the most with my anxiety that comes with a husband deployed.

  5. NJDebbie Says:
    July 14th, 2010 at 09:15 pm 1279138545
    1279138545

    Thinking of you during this very difficult time. ((HUGS))

  6. momcents Says:
    July 14th, 2010 at 11:05 pm 1279145159
    1279145159


    I am so sorry that this is happening to you. On 5/19 I lost a baby at 16 weeks. If you would like to email me, I am at lmiller5631@comcast.net.

  7. Looking Forward Says:
    July 14th, 2010 at 11:07 pm 1279145232
    1279145232

    ((HUGS)) I have thought about you many times since your last post. As hard as it might be, stay focused on being healthy and positive as much as you can. Massage might help, it helps me. I was once told that a baby's soul that is meant to be with you will come into your life again if things don't work out the first time. I hope that gives you a small comfort. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your DH and your babies.

  8. CB in the City Says:
    July 14th, 2010 at 11:09 pm 1279145356
    1279145356

    Oh you poor thing. Take care and know that we are all pulling for you.

  9. Shiela Says:
    July 15th, 2010 at 03:35 am 1279161358
    1279161358

    I'm so sorry to hear this Brooklyn girl.

  10. whitestripe Says:
    July 15th, 2010 at 12:07 pm 1279192062
    1279192062

    I've been checking your blog frequently to see if you'd updated. Sending our love and best wishes. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you both to go through. I really hope that the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly. And if you need to cry, it's not bad, it is just something you need to do sometimes to get through the grief. xoxo

  11. Miclason Says:
    July 16th, 2010 at 04:36 am 1279251360
    1279251360

    I, too, have been checking and hoping and praying for your little family! ((hugs)) Sorry to hear about your little one. But your other little one is trying, just as you are. There is hope!

  12. dtjunkie Says:
    July 16th, 2010 at 09:00 am 1279267227
    1279267227

    Stay strong and calm. There's always light ahead.

  13. Analise Says:
    July 22nd, 2010 at 12:13 am 1279753983
    1279753983

    I am very sorry to hear about the loss of one of your babies. Please take care, stay positive, and don't give up hoping for the best.

  14. phenomenal woman Says:
    July 23rd, 2010 at 04:46 pm 1279900017
    1279900017

    I am so sorry. If you would like to chat with other ladies who have and is going through the same thing online, please PM me.

    I am sorry that your innocence has been taken away from you for the remainder of your pregnancy and ton's of T&P's are sent your way for you , your angel baby and the sibling baby to keep on growing healthy.

  15. terri77 Says:
    July 24th, 2010 at 07:41 am 1279953676
    1279953676

    I'm sorry for your loss.

  16. Ima saver Says:
    July 24th, 2010 at 04:05 pm 1279983926
    1279983926

    I too have been thinking about you. So sorry for you loss. Stay strong.

  17. Homebody Says:
    July 25th, 2010 at 05:58 pm 1280077106
    1280077106

    Prayers said. I am so sorry.

  18. scfr Says:
    August 8th, 2010 at 06:26 pm 1281288394
    1281288394

    I am so so sorry. Hope you and the 2nd baby are doing okay.

  19. scfr Says:
    October 13th, 2010 at 04:27 am 1286940463
    1286940463

    Wondering how you are doing and hope you are OK.

  20. Homebody Says:
    October 13th, 2010 at 03:37 pm 1286980640
    1286980640

    Count me in on that too.

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