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Home > My inner btch is very judgemental today.

My inner btch is very judgemental today.

September 1st, 2011 at 08:31 pm

I'm trying to choose a gift from a wedding registry and my judgemental B is acting up today.

I can't help it, there must me something wrong with me. I keep thinking things like:

Do you really need a deep fryer if you are more than 100lb overweight?

Or a coctail/barware to the tune of $500 if your future husband had 3 DUIs and is waiting to finally get your drivers lisence back after several years?

And the rest of it looks like it has been put together without much thought. Incredible amount of stuff, most of it from the useless knick knacks category and china(about $3,400 worth) that will be used incredibly rarely. And this is not a high-income household.

I am having trouble finding something that would be used frequently and is reasonable. (set of cooking pans is usefull, but $400 is more than I am prepared to spend on this).

This is a wedding registry of an aquaitance (not really a friend) to whose wedding I will not go.

She wanted me to be the maid of honor, I was stalling and finally backed out -- it would involve travel, use of days off, arrangements to leave the baby and huge expences).

And she was not a close friend.
We mosly just spoke on the phone once every few months and saw each other the total of like 6 times in our lifetime. I still would have gone, but when she began acting as a bridezilla, I finally got the courage to back out.

Nonetheless, I feel guilty and wanted to get her something nice and really have trouble choosing.
Also, what do you think would be an appropriate amount to spend in this situation?

19 Responses to “My inner btch is very judgemental today. ”

  1. Ima saver Says:
    1314907451

    I generally spent about $50. I ususally just send a check and a card.

  2. creditcardfree Says:
    1314908585

    We paid for a hotel night for my sister in love and her husband on the night they were married. They still remember it to this day. Someone had done it for us and it is appreciated and memorable.

    Otherwise $50 to $100 check or gift card.

  3. baselle Says:
    1314910431

    Gotta love the inner btch, actually. I seem to remember that a registry is a guide to prevent dups, not an iron clad thing. I never look at the list - I much prefer to give 'em something they need but wouldn't think of ... like a gift certificate to their neighborhood hardware store, or money, or a personal finance book (or several, if you have the 50-100$ budget).

    There is an advantage to being 49, I generally get invited as a friend of the parent. The "kids" getting married sometimes chalk the gift up to being well meaning and clueless, instead of being rude.

    BTW, don't feel guilty about giving a wedding gift. Its not as if either party is starting up a household from scratch. And if you are not attending, don't feel like you have subsidize their wedding either.

  4. pretty cheap jewelry Says:
    1314910694

    you do NOT have to use the registry!! for such a distant relationship, pick out something you enjoy giving which fills their needs, such as an engraveable photo frame (add a little gift cert for the engraving) or a pair of handpainted wine glasses. Try local boutiques and artful groups (pottery, etc.)

  5. Petunia 100 Says:
    1314918774

    It struck me as odd that she would choose a friendly acquaintance to be her maid of honor.

    I think $50 is plenty to spend for an acquaintance.

    When I got married, someone had my wedding invitation professionally framed. It was one of my favorite wedding gifts.

  6. LuckyRobin Says:
    1314931624

    Umm...a free month at a health club? Honestly, if I had only seen this person 6 times in my life I would not consider myself a friend and I would not send a gift either. It doesn't even sound like you like this person. I'd give it a miss altogether. I guess my inner b*tch is less nice than yours, though, and I don't like going to weddings, so wouldn't go to one of a person I didn't care for.

  7. PNW Mom Says:
    1314932768

    I agree with LuckyRobin....I don't know that I would consider someone I had only seen 6 times in my life a friend...that being said, if you really want to get them something, I wouldn't spend more than $20 to $25.

  8. claudia Says:
    1315061265

    You don't really seem to like her much at all, yet she asked you to be her maid of honor? There's a disconnect here...which could only have happened if you weren't honest about your feelings for her, which I don't think is very nice. Were you being a fake friend? It's not a nice thing to string along a guy you don't really like, and the same thing goes for female friendships.

    Look, it's HER wedding. It has nothing to do with your opinions or "approval" of her registry choices. Yes, you ARE being judgmental!

  9. jperryharris Says:
    1315150874

    I have to agree with luckyrobin on this I feel that if this female was your friend indeed you wouldn't feel so hostile with her as far as a wedding gift a true friend would cherish anything you decide to get her and another thing is a true friend would say don't worry about getting me anything just be there for support and call it a day!My bff came out to visit and she was in need of a new dress and a purse and I happen to have an extra one of each that I had no use for and its now her favorite purse she called me to tell me the next day that the purse and dress got her a new job! Cost $2.50 memories made=PRICELESS and the best part was that the purse I gave her I'd gotten from my mothers stash she didn't want it anymore and the dress I picked up from a second hand store for only $2.50! My point is that real friends can just enjoy each others company you could be totally silent and still have a good time!Good luck!

  10. whitestripe Says:
    1315361945

    haha. you made me think of something that happened very recently to us: a friend of a friend we invited to our weddding party because DH really likes her partner and gets along with him well. We wrote on our invitations that there would be a wishing well, and also that meals would be provided. We recieved a card from them (with the price sticker still on the back... $7.95). Now we are invited to her wedding and are asked to pay for our own meals. Big Grin I am hoping to be heavily pregnant around that time... (or be washing my hair that night...)


    In saying that, we usually spend around $30-$50 on aquaintance gifts, $100 for friends.

  11. Nika Says:
    1315507029

    This was a strange kind of relationship. She had no friends, absolutely no one to talk to, never even had a date with anyone until almost 30. So after we met accidentally at a convention like close to 10 years ago (when I was into those things) she kept in touch with an email or a phone call every few months. I encouraged her to get "real life" friends where she lives, try to have a relationship, etc... So to her, I was the closest friend she had. To me, it was still mainly an online chatting thing. She came to visit for a day 3 times over the years... and we went out for dinner because I wanted to be encouraging. But we really did not have anything in common and I found it difficult to talk to her.

    When she finally found a guy(on match.com, I think) I was very happy for her and was hoping that now that she has someone she can focus more on real life relationships. The guy has friends, maybe she would get some, since now she is more comfortable going out and such. At least she had one real relationship now. That was already much better.

    I had a baby, and was busy and tired a lot. She started bugging me about the dress since the baby was an infant and the wedding was like 9 months away.

    I had a tonn of baby weight, and I'm still breastfeeding so my body was nothing like its normal self and I wanted to wait until the last moment to get the dress.

    I was going to go because I felt obligated. I did not want to, it was a hardship to leave baby and take away precious vacation time for me and DH, but I still would have gone to the middle of nowhere like 5 or 6 hour drive, stay for 2 nights, etc... But she was bugging me about buying the dress EVERY WEEK and I would repeat the same thing -- I felt there was no reason to have alterations done twice (it was an ugly dress, btw, but that's beside the point). Finally, when the wedding was like 5 months away, she wrote something about her color theme, "there is no excuse" and that if I don't get that dress in time, I "should not bother showing up."

    That really rubbed me the wrong way, I felt I was already sacrifising too much to be at that wedding, and if she did not understand that, I was not longer willing to make that sacrifice.

    It would have been $250 for dress, at least $300 hotel, $300 gifts, gas money to drive from NYC to middle of nowhere Washignton, 2 minimum days leave for me, for DH, and for my mother to watch the baby while we are away. Other insidental expences/meals don't even count. ALL that, for someone with whom I had a very limited and remote kind of relationship, not a real frienship.

    I was just trying to be encouraging to someone, because I thought it was a nice thing to do, and I end up as a matron of honor?! Never did I see that coming.

    But I was doing it because I was feeling guilty, and I knew she considered me her closes friend. But when she was acting like a total bridezilla and wrote "don't bother showing up without the dress" I thought why am I doing all this? This is too much sacrifice and she does not even get it.

    So I wrote back to her, and we have not spoken since. She "unfriended" me. So that is the story here.

  12. jperryharris Says:
    1315518151

    Well sorry to hear that but at least she saved you the trouble by "unfriending" you and the point is here that maybe just maybe she was playing dumb with you the whole entire time and was using your niceness for weakness and that definitely would show that she truly wasn't your real friend the Lord speaks of that in the bible to be very careful of wolves dressed in sheep's clothing! Next time keep your guard up and be a little more pickier with whom you deem to consider your "friend" and please don't worry about losing any sleep over this, its really not your fault and in the end its her loss not yours! Good luck and God bless!

  13. Thrifty Ray Says:
    1315532779

    Its healthy to weed the garden once in a while, especially when the relationship is toxic or no longer fulfilling. Life is short and you have the right to unfriend or to be unfriended if that is your wish. In reading your story, it sounds like there is a reason she asked an acquaintence to be her MOH..Wish her well and move on. THere is NOTHING to feel guilty about here.

  14. PrincessPerky Says:
    1315598525

    I see nothing wrong with what you have done.

    bridzilla prolly has a lot of other stress going on, and you are not in anyway obligated to deal with it/her.

    On gifts, I dunno what circles you run in, but none of my friends can afford the 100 type thing, more of a 20-30 (50 if you REALLY like em).

  15. scrappytappy Says:
    1316104726

    So sorry that you are going through this. I wouldn't spend more than $25-$50. I'm wondering why she still even invited you if she unfriended you? In fact, I wouldn't feel obligated to get her anything. I'm assuming the unfriending was on Facebook. If you're not good enough to be Facebook friends, you're not good enough to buy her a gift.

    I'm struggling myself right now because my dad's girlfriend's grand-daugther is pregnant with her first child. She's only 17 and still in high school. My brother and I got invited to the baby shower (this is the first time we have EVER been invited to any family function). I feel it's only because they wanted us to give a gift. She has no job, no plans to get a job, living at home, etc. I understand that she will struggle since she's a teenage mom but I'm not going all out. Her mom knows I coupon and was asking me about getting diapers and baby shampoo, etc. but honestly, I'd rather give that to my best friend with a 2 year old than to someone I barely know. I want to get her something decent but I don't want to spend more than $20 bucks.

    She also had the nerve to register for a touch screen video baby monitor, a $500 stroller and a $600 crib. My dad went and bought her the crib but I keep thinking to myself that it's just greedy. I would hope that if I were in her situation 10 years ago, I would have been more reasonable and asked for the bare necessities at reasonable prices.

    I bought her outlet protectors and some books. I went through my stockpile and got some Aveeno baby wash/lotion and I think I'm done.

  16. scrappytappy Says:
    1316104892

    I forgot to mention she added this gem to the registry:

    http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3504776&fromRegistryNumber=47229019&product_skn=472870

  17. baselle Says:
    1316748386

    Nice, scrappytappy. After reading your story, I feel the btchness welling within me - 17 yr old girl, video baby monitor, "hotness" baby bib adds up to only one thing: watching baby from afar at a bar on ladies night whilst pounding down jello shots. God Bless Consumer America! Big Grin

  18. scrappytappy Says:
    1316787207

    HAHA!!! Yea, I can see that too............in four years, when she is old enough to drink at a bar.

  19. baselle Says:
    1316807079

    scrappytappy - Its the btch again - I'm sure that a fake ID is also on her list of must-get. That'll shave a year or two off. Big Grin

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